I am a cheerful person. I laugh and I believe that I can make people laugh. But something made me ask this question – where did I lose my enjoyment in making and performing music?
Yesterday, I went to a musical with my friends, “School of Rock”. The play targets mostly young people who enjoy this pretty obvious story of a fat rockman with no job that accidentally gets hired in a private, conservative school and turns the place upside down bringing revolution to the kids’ lives.
Quite boring story for someone who’s seen many interpretations of the same archetype but I have to admit that the kids were amazing! The harmonies, their instrument skills etc. Something very impressive.
I don’t know where my rock is
There was also one character in the show, Rosalie, the school director who once was full of passion and rock’n’roll but then she “got older” and lost it. And she sang the song that made the title of this post / vlog (whatever this will be turned into) – “Where did the rock go?”
Exactly, where? That evening I realised that every time I think about music, I feel pressure and stress. I feel that I need to create to prove myself and I need to make it happen as soon as possible. I push and I strain my limits, I sit down in front of the computer with this feeling of being disappointed with myself straight away as I am not as prolific as other artists that I follow and admire. I know, there are deadlines and I have to do my job but at the same time – why would I not have fun from that?
When I decided to create “Imitator”, I wasn’t thinking about it as a professional project – I didn’t even think that I would publish it! I would sit down in the evening and work for an hour or two. I would have fun. I would use different effects just to enjoy and try to put the song through, as Aisling said, “Britneyfication”. So I was exploring, playing etc. That was fun. Today the song was published by an Asian magazine and also is on Spotify.
It’s all about fun. I watched Timbaland working on his songs – he just looks for those great moments, he goes with the flow. All of his projects are composed out of simple, short ideas. His two assistants bring the ideas, he filters them and then they work together on a loop. They have fun. They are professional but they enjoy it. So should I.
Time to have fun
I have been behaving as if I was 40 and had no life to live. I am 27, which isn’t ideal, but I still have time to enjoy life. To make mistakes. To try and to be foolish sometimes. So is with my music. I promised myself, from now on, to be totally rocking. To explore and to be genuine. To put honesty above production. And sometimes it may be quite crappy but at least I will be having fun.
I’m doing it to avoid ending up as a music teacher singing in a local pub “where did the rock go”. I’m doing it because I want to be heard and I want people to know me.